Being single. One thinks it’s fantastic, the other wants to get rid of this status as soon as possible and doesn’t like it. I belonged to the latter group. I was 32 years old at one point and was super scared that I would be alone forever. At the time, I think that was my biggest fear: that no one would ever like me enough to share their life with. In the end it all worked out and I met the nicest man there is (thank god for Tinder) and I’m really super happy. But believe me, I can still imagine how I felt when I was alone and how I felt really alone.
I was also always so surprised when I heard from other women who liked being single, “How?” I thought.. how can they be happy and I’m not? Turns out I could! I too have learned to be happy with my single existence. And of course, the moment I was completely at peace with it, I met Bart, the age-old cliché: if you are happy with yourself, you can also be happy with someone else, was certainly true with me…
How did I accept that I was single?
1 Live in the now
I unconsciously put everything on hold. I wanted a new bed, but I didn’t buy it because suppose I met someone and then I just had a new bed and then we would move in together and that would be a waste of money… I actually wanted to redecorate my apartment, but suppose that…. Super silly examples, but it does indicate that I was always busy with the future. Because suppose I met someone, then this or that could happen… suppose, suppose, suppose. Now suppose you only meet someone in 3 years and then you lie on a bad mattress for 3 years! Take care of yourself, do the things you want to do and do them now.
2 Find your own activities
I am quite a homebody, I love being at home. But when I was single, I hated being home alone, because I wasn’t alone: I was lonely. And I thought all the time: everyone is now doing nice things with her boyfriend and I’m just alone (yep, a good portion of self-pity was not strange to me). That behavior is of course not about anything, it only brings you sadness.
So I started looking for hobbies, things I really liked to do. So in my case, Saturday morning I went to the library to find new books, join a sewing club, cook and join a running club. And I wasn’t bored anymore on the weekends. I made new bakes, went for a run at the weekend with my new friends from my running club and had a great time behind my sewing machine and with my ‘new’ books.
3 Get to know yourself
That is of course a strong statement, but an important one. Because it is important to get to know yourself. What do you like? Where are your limits? What are you actually looking for in a man? What do you think is important in a relationship? Very important questions that I didn’t really have an answer to. Most of all, I really wanted a boyfriend and I wasn’t very aware of my own role and my own opinion. Mega pitfall because because of this I quickly lost myself in new relationships and did not attract the nicest men.
So take the time now to find out for yourself what is important to you. Go on a nice date (online or via an app on your phone you can easily meet nice people). Think of these dates as: 1 fun pastime and 2 as learning moments. The first time may be scary, but it can also be fun if you don’t click.
If you, like me then, are also unhappy with the fact that you are still single. Then I want to tell you that it really will be all right! You are super special, because there is only 1 you in this world! Be proud of that! Be proud of your ‘crazy’ sides. Don’t be ashamed of your ‘crazies’ anymore, there is probably someone who is looking for you right now. Someone who really likes your craziness and someone who has the same standards and values as you. Don’t settle for less and really remember that you are worthy of being loved very much!!!